I can tell you one thing I know for certain in this life: There are few things more disappointing than getting to Loch Ness and not seeing a single monster. Not one single monster! I had my camera ready and everything… sigh.
Just kidding. I’m not stupid. We all knew this was a mission doomed to failure. I’m not five years old anymore, I’ve grown up. I’m mature now. Anyone with half a brain could tell you that there is no such thing as monsters!
No, my friends, the creature in Loch Ness is no monster, he is a gentle giant, and I’m almost ashamed of my use of the word ‘Monster’. It’s clearly a beautiful water horse, or a gigantic Plesiosaur which managed to escape the inevitable doom and extinction of the dinosaurs… who knows, perhaps it’s even a magical Liopleurodon?
I don’t know; I’m not a scientist.
What I do know is that my plans to hire a small one man submarine and begin a month long search through the icy depths of this mammoth 22 mile puddle were put on hold after I realised our Scotland road trip was on a very tight schedule and I’d spent the last of my money on one of those little ‘Nessie’ Beanie Babies at the gift shop. You cannot believe my disappointment when I found I could no longer afford to purchase a deep submergence vehicle.
Now that I think about it, that’s probably why it never gets caught, people just spend all their Nessie hunting funds on souvenirs. Oh Nessie, you clever bastard, well played sir.